Introduction
Rites of passage for men, midlife transition, and the quiet work of becoming — Dan Foster, CEO of the Centre for Men and Families Australia, joins Don’t Let The Old Man In to explore what it really takes for a man to grow up. Drawing on the teachings of Franciscan priest and author Richard Rohr, Dan unpacks how men in midlife can move from striving and achievement into something far more meaningful: a life of depth, generativity, and authentic masculinity.
Why this conversation matters
Most men hit 45 or 50 and feel a quiet unease they can’t quite name. They’ve ticked the boxes — career, family, mortgage — and yet something nags. Richard Rohr calls it the second half of life. Dan Foster has built his work around helping men navigate that crossing.
The Centre for Men and Families has been running Rites of Passage programs in Australia for over 20 years. Dan sees the same thing, again and again: men walking in carrying decades of unprocessed pain, and walking out lighter. Not fixed. Not finished. But lighter.
This conversation gets into the bone of why so many men stay stuck — and what it takes to move.
What we discuss
- Richard Rohr’s five hard truths of male initiation — including ‘life is hard’, ‘you’re not in control’, and ‘you’re going to die’ — and why accepting them is the doorway to mature manhood
- The difference between the first and second halves of life, and why the same drive that builds a career can become a trap after 40
- What a Rites of Passage program actually looks like — five days, a circle of men, rituals, fire, and the kind of honesty most men have never experienced
- Father wounds: why every man carries something from his relationship with his dad, and why it shapes everything that follows
- The Manosphere, Andrew Tate’s appeal, and why young men flock to loud, hollow voices in the absence of real elders
- The ‘Gandalf energy’ Dan wants to cultivate in older men: a quiet, grounded presence that doesn’t need to perform
- Why whatever we don’t process, we project — and what that costs our families
- The role of ritual, fire, circle, and poetry in cracking open a man’s defences in a way that lectures never can
Why midlife men should listen
If you’re somewhere between ‘I’ve built something’ and ‘what the hell do I do now’, this episode is for you. Dan isn’t selling you a productivity system or a morning routine. He’s pointing toward something older and harder: the willingness to go into the dark places you’ve been avoiding, and deal with what you find there.
The payoff isn’t a better LinkedIn profile. It’s becoming the kind of man your kids actually want to be around. The kind of elder who walks into a room carrying something real.
Guest info
Dan Foster
Dan Foster is the CEO of the Centre for Men and Families Australia (CFMA), a not-for-profit organisation dedicated to men’s mental health, emotional literacy, and harm prevention. Appointed to the role in 2020, Dan brings a background in school teaching, youth work, and outdoor education — including founding an adventure camping program for high schoolers that has now run internationally for close to two decades.
Dan first encountered CFMA as a participant, attending a Men’s Rite of Passage at Camp Somerset in 2011 during his own burnout. That experience changed the direction of his life. He holds Bachelor’s degrees in Education and Theology, a Diploma in Business, and is completing a Master’s in Counselling.
He is also a writer and poet, author of Leaving Church, Finding God and the poetry collection Limbo Land: Poems from the In-Between. Dan lives in Queensland with his wife Ann-Marie and their three children.
