Introduction
Most men who find themselves single in midlife do the same thing. They start dating too soon, from a position of loneliness rather than strength, and they have no idea that’s what they’re doing.
Kerri Sackville knows this because she spent eight and a half years on the midlife dating scene after a 17-year marriage ended, wrote a book about what she found, and then wrote another book about the thing that turned out to matter more than any of it: learning to be alone.
Out There, her first book, was written for women. Men read it anyway — and kept messaging her to say thank you. Because she had spent nearly a decade observing what men do on dates, what they get wrong, and what the ones who do it well have in common. And her second book, The Secret Life of You, is about something that affects men and women equally: the lost art of being comfortable in your own company, and why that capacity underpins every relationship you will ever have.
In this conversation with Pod O’Sullivan, Kerri covers what midlife dating after divorce actually looks like from the other side of the table, why so many men date from a place of fear without knowing it, the specific difference between loneliness and solitude, and how to start building the most important relationship most people never think about — with themselves.
What You'll Hear
- What perimenopause actually is and why it’s often more disruptive than menopause itself — explained plainly, without clinical jargon
- Why a man’s attitude towards his partner’s menopause is scientifically linked to the severity of her symptoms — and what that means for how you show up at home
- The two things men struggle with most — mood changes and changes in libido — and why both are more complicated than they first appear
- Why most men feel they have no right to say anything, and why Thea thinks that’s wrong
- The Orca whale research: why postmenopausal female orcas are promoted into leadership roles when resources become scarce — and what that means for the women in your life
- What Thea told the senior male partners at a Sydney law firm when she was brought in to brief them
- The reframe that Thea’s program says doubles the number of women who feel they can manage their symptoms — and what men can do to support it
If your partner has been going through this and you haven’t known what to do, this episode is the manual you were never given.
Guest info
Kerri Sackville
Kerri Sackville is a Sydney-based author, columnist, and commentator. She has written for The Sydney Morning Herald, The Age, and various other Australian publications, and is the author of two books on midlife: Out There: A Survival Guide to Dating in Midlife, which drew on her own experience of the dating scene after a 17-year marriage ended, and The Secret Life of You: How a Little Alone Time Can Change Your Life, Relationships and Maybe the World.
Kerri is 57, a mother of three, and lives in Sydney with her partner. She is known for writing about difficult personal experiences with honesty, precision, and dark humour.
